"Accept the fact that you're not God"

When I was growing up, my father said to me, "You can do anything you want to do, and be anything you want to be." This was a wonderful gift at a time (the 1950s) that girls and women were just beginning to argue for their place in society, and years before women began to fight for equality. It gave me the self-confidence to become a star pupil, to play softball with the guys, and later to become a government executive. 

There's a downside to this gift, however. When we believe that we can do anything and be anything, we also believe that we can fix anything that's broken -- all by ourselves. We don't EVER feel like we have to ask for help, not from our spouses, not from our friends, not from our colleagues, not even from God. That seemed to work pretty well for me until I hit my early 60's, when I developed anxiety disorder and became an alcoholic. These were two things that, at least in part, were caused by my "I can do it all" attitude. They were ruining my life. And they were two things I couldn't fix all by myself. 

When I entered a 12-Step Program, I learned that my problem was a very common one. Another member said to me, "Accept the fact that you're not God. Only God can do anything, and he's waiting to help you out, if you ask him to."

The Serenity Prayer, which we pray together at the end of every meeting, uses the following words:

 

As I began "working the steps," I discovered that the first three steps focus directly on the problems I was having.

1. We admitted we were powerless - that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

When we're ready to do the Third Step, we say the following prayer.

"God, I offer myself to Thee -- to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love, and Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always!"

I've done the Third Step once so far, but that doesn't mean that I've done it perfectly or thoroughly. I've "made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God," but from time to time I fall into old habits and think that it's all up to me. That's when attending meetings regularly, and reading Program literature, remind me that there's a better solution. To use a common phrase, I'm "willing to be willing," and that's at least heading in the right direction.

There are now times when I actually ask for help. It doesn't come naturally, but when I do it saves me from a lot of frustration. I can't do everything and I can't be anything. All I can do is the best I can do, and the "next right thing." Beyond that, I ask for God's help in knowing what He wants me to do.

Stressed Out or Anxious? Just Breathe...

Do you find yourself "stressed out" or anxious on certain days or at certain times? Of course you do. I can with all honesty admit that I'm a member of the same club ... although several of my friends have asked me what I have in my life to get stressed or anxious about. I'm retired, for gosh sake. I don't have any economic problems. I have a loving husband and a healthy marriage. We don't have any children (with or without issues), or living parents who still need care. So what is there in my life that causes anxiety?

Nothing much. But I'm perfectly capable of creating my own anxiety. It's just the way I am. I create lists of things that I want to accomplish, and then I get anxious if I don't get them done. I have an ache or pain that I've never had before, and I imagine all sorts of terrible things it might be a symptom of. I get to the airport long before I really need to because "you never know what might happen along the way." That's me, in a nutshell.

Three things that help me to relax and reduce my anxieties are exercise, yoga and meditation. Exercise helps because it works off the adrenaline that builds up when we get anxious -- it's that same natural "fight or flight" mechanism that we've all learned about. Our bodies are ready to do SOMETHING! ... so we need to work it off. Take a long walk, work in the garden, clean the house, go to the gym, whatever works.

Yoga and meditation help me to relax because they both help me focus on my breathing. Taking regular, deep breaths is an easy and almost foolproof way to quickly diffuse anxiety and stress. People who teach yoga and meditation will spend a fair amount of time teaching their students how to breathe properly. But I'm going to share a shortcut. In the January 2015 issue of Real Simple magazine, Margaret Townsend, a certified "breathwork practitioner" (who knew there was such a thing?), offers a simple exercise that we can all try when we get stressed. It worked for me.

"Think about a stressful situation you're facing at the moment -- something small or something epic. Close your eyes and scan your body, noticing where you feel tension when you think about this tough situation. It might take a minute to find the right spot. (Good places to check: jaw, shoulders, belly, chest, throat.)

Rest your hand on the tense spot and take a deep but comfortable inhale, imagining the breath flowing into and around the spot. Exhale naturally, all the way out. Repeat a few times, letting your breath take you right into the center of the tension; your hand will help remind you to direct the breath. 

If you've noticed tension in more than one spot, move your hand -- and your breath -- to another spot and repeat. Then relax, eyes closed, hands in your lap, and feel the new softness of those spots. 

You can do this exercise anytime, anywhere, even with your eyes open -- and even if you're not sure what the source of your tension is. Breathing into tightness and softening creates a gentle space for tensions to relax."