Book Clubs, Bible Study and Literature Meetings

Over the past year I've heard fellow members of my 12-Step Program compare our "literature meetings" to book clubs and Bible study groups. I thought I'd spend a little time on that topic today.

First off, what is a literature meeting? It's a 12-Step meeting where we focus on reading aloud, and then sharing our individual thoughts about what was read. It isn't a discussion in terms of give-and-take or debate; instead, each person speaks in turn. The kinds of literature we read in my AA meetings include the "Big Book" (Alcoholics Anonymous), the "12 and 12" (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Living Sober, and the "Grapevine" magazine. (Other kinds of meetings include speaker meetings, step meetings and discussion meetings.)

A book club is similar, and yet it's different. It's also a group of people who read the same books, but they read them at home instead of at the meeting. They know each other, but they may not have any interests in common other than the book they are reading. They meet together to talk about what they read, but some book clubs spend more time drinking and eating and socializing than they do talking about the book. Good book clubs try to make sure that everyone has an opportunity to get her/his two cents in, and that the members listen to each other. But members of some book clubs often get into discussions, debates and even disagreements. I've seen it happen. Not all book clubs are well-managed.

What about Bible study groups? I think that Bible study groups are more similar to 12-Step literature meetings than book clubs. Reading from either the Bible or from 12-Step literature aloud in the group, and then talking about it with other people, enriches each person's study, because not everyone thinks the same way. Hearing someone else's ideas and interpretations causes each person to broaden his/her thinking. Beyond that, group Bible study offers a place to connect with other similar-minded people, making each person part of a connected family. Like 12-Step meetings, a Bible study group offers a safe place for each person to ask questions, and help others find answers as well. When you are involved in a small group of other like-minded people with varying backgrounds, chances are at least one other person in that group will be able to answer your specific questions. And aren't two or three (or more) heads better than one?

Finally, in 12-Step meetings and Bible study groups, members can share their intimate thoughts and needs. At first they may not feel comfortable sharing the details of their lives, and they don't have to unless they choose to. But members of both groups grow to care for one another over time, and contribute to each other's growth, because they are all traveling the same road.

Here's a shout out to "Early Birds," my home group. I love you all.

Programs, Roadmaps and Recipes

All 12-step programs are "programs" in that they fit the definition of a program: "a planned, coordinated group of activities, procedures, etc., often for a specific purpose." The group of activities are always the same and come in four parts: (1) don't do the thing you are recovering from (alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc.); (2) go to meetings; (3) get a sponsor; and (4) work the 12 steps.

I've heard other people at meetings describe the program as a roadmap or recipe for life. In fact, just this morning one of my AA friends shared a short story during the meeting. A brother was staying with him, and this person was having problems in his relationship with someone else. My friend took out the "Big Book" (Alcoholics Anonymous), gave it to his brother, and said "read pages x through y of this book. It might help." The next morning my friend asked his brother if he had read it. His brother said that he read a lot more of the book than just the suggested pages, and said "This is really a roadmap for life -- anyone's life."

After we heard that story, someone else at the meeting suggested that there are a lot of people in the world who don't have alcohol, drug or other similar problems, but who would seriously benefit from the teachings in the Big Book. I've often thought that same thing.

Anyway, how is a 12-step program like a roadmap? It shows you where you are, at the beginning of your journey. It shows you where you want to go. It shows you the most direct route to take in order to arrive at your destination (I think of that as the 12-step route). You can look at the roadmap to determine whether it's going to be a short trip or a long one. You probably need to make stops along the way -- those are the steps. And there might be alternate routes that will get you there, but they will probably take longer.

How is a 12-step program like a recipe? I like this one the best. You want a loaf of bread. You start out with nothing but a set of instructions. The instructions tell you what ingredients you have to purchase. Then the recipe tells you what to do with the ingredients, how to combine them or treat them, in a particular order of activities. These are the steps. If you decide to skip a step -- let's say you add the yeast but don't give the dough time to rise -- you end up with a brick instead of a loaf of bread. If you decide to add the sugar after the dough has risen, the yeast will have nothing to feed on and again, you'll have a brick. But if you follow the directions in the correct order, you end up with a loaf of bread. Just the same, if you follow the 12 steps in the correct order, you achieve recovery, sanity and serenity.

I wish you a successful journey as you follow the 12-step roadmap to your destination. If you do, you'll get to eat a loaf of bread, instead of figuring out how to dispose of a brick.

Managing the Unmamageable

Step 1 of any 12-Step Program has us admitting that our lives have become unmanageable. If we're an alcoholic or an addict, the craving for our substance of choice governs our thoughts and our actions. Above all other things, that's what we want. Once that need is satisfied, we think about other people (including the ones you love, I'm ashamed to admit) and do other things (if you're capable of doing anything at all.)

 

Then we enter the Program and work the steps. We are in recovery! THAT now governs our thoughts and actions. We begin to pick up the threads of our lives. We try to reestablish relationships, we once again engage in beloved hobbies, and we reengage in whatever work we do (paid or volunteer) and become productive again. But recovery remains in the forefront of our minds. Before the Program, our craving used to govern our thoughts and actions; now it's recovery.

 

At some point in recovery, we realize that our lives has certainly improved, but we haven't achieved "manageable" yet. That's exactly where I am right now. Surrendering to my Higher Power has gotten me up from my bottom. But now it's time for me to put more of a personal effort into it. As I once read somewhere, "God can move mountains, but you had better bring a shovel."

 

There are many things that I can possibly do and, being retired, I get to do most of them by choice. But there are so many things, and there is only so much time.

 



 

There are things that I love to do because I enjoy them and they make me feel good: traveling, watching tv and knitting, gardening, yoga, riding my bicycle, working in the church office, visiting my friend Mary, going to the movies, cooking, getting a massage, going to church.  There are lunches, dinners and other social events that help me to keep up with and enjoy the company of friends. There are things that are good FOR me, like going to Program meetings and serving at church as a lector or an usher. There are things I want to do for others: working in the hospital as a volunteer chaplain, visiting shut-ins, serving as chair of the school board, serving as a member of Diocesan Council. Of course, there are also the things that must get done: grocery shopping, errands, paying bills, doing the laundry.

 

And then there is the unexpected: a friend in need, an illness, something that needs to be repaired or replaced, a birth, a wedding, a death. Even when the rest of your life is manageable, the unexpected can change that in an instant.

 

Finding the right combination of activities -- the right balance -- is in the forefront of my mind these days. If I get involved in too many volunteer activities, I feel like there's no time left for me to relax. If I schedule too many things, there's no time for spontaneous things on a day with perfect weather like biking or gardening; there's no time for having lunch with an old friend. And if I spend too much time by myself, I feel like I'm losing touch with others.

 

Even the time I spend by myself is filled with choices. Do I want to read the newspaper or a good book? Do I want to meditate? Should I return phone calls or email messages? When do I fit in my prayer life, which has suffered lately?

 

It's all too easy to experience resentment over anything that seems to be consuming too much time, even if it's something I would otherwise enjoy in moderation. And resentment is dangerous, because it leads to risky behavior. We gotta be real careful about that.

 

I know that there's no perfect balance, because some things are unpredictable. And the right answer for me today might not be so right tomorrow. But I'm going to try to improve things, rearrange things, so that I'm more comfortable with my use of the time that I've been given, because it's a precious gift. Above all, I want to spend enough of it with my Higher Power, and with the people who are so important in my life.

Missing in Action?

I just realized that before today my last post was on October 2 -- more than two months ago. That long? If you read my blog because of your interest in 12-step programs, you're probably thinking that I must have relapsed. Because of stress or pain or worry -- or perhaps for no good reasom at all -- I must have taken that first drink. And one drink is all it takes for an alcoholic. Down that slippery slope we go. Or in my case, down the stairs "ass over teakettle" as the Brits might say.

But no, I'm still sober, thank God. In fact, this past week has been very easy, despite the fact that it included our niece Heather's wedding. That's because Brad's brother and his family don't drink. They just don't. Never did. Ask Bill and he says "Never saw the point of it." The minister who performed the ceremony is 40 years sober. AND  he's a police and veterans chaplain as well. Yes, that's you, Clay. So there just wasn't any temptation around.

On Sunday we went to brunch with my long, long,-time friend Julie. Her newish husband Dave is 4 years sober. Who knew? We're everywhere!

So why haven't I blogged? Don't really know. Haven't written much in my journal either. But I figure that if I start blogging, it'll come back to me. So here I am, phone in hand. Again, today.

Progress in small steps

The last two times we were on a cruise, both during my first year sober, three things were different. First, it was a little bit hard to pass up a drink before dinner, or wine with dinner. It required will power to say "No, thanks." Second, I told several people we met that I was a member of AA, right off the bat. And third, I tried to organize an AA meeting on board. Not much luck, although there were several fellow passengers who could use one.

This most recent time, on a river cruise from Budapest to Bucharest, it was different. When offered a drink I promptly said, "Yes, please!" and asked for water or a soft drink. I had no urge to advertise my AA membership because no one asked why I wasn't drinking. And I was comfortable without a meeting ... although I did correspond with a fellow AA back home.

Is this progress? I think so ... It's no longer always in the forefront of my mind. Does that mean I'm taking it for granted? Hell no! I give thanks every single morning.