My computer's printer has a problem. I was pretty sure that the problem was with the printer's wireless connection to Hewlett Packard. I called them on Saturday afternoon. They tried a number of things until, two hours later, they finally agreed that the problem was on their end, and promised to fix it. They haven't. They were supposed to call me this morning on my land line. Instead they called on my cell, which was on "silent" mode. I called them back. I've now been on hold, listening to their music for 30 minutes, while waiting for someone to talk to. This wasn't part of the plan.....
I'm angry! It's a very uncomfortable feeling. My heart is beating faster. I'm perspiring. Most of my muscles are tense. I'm gritting my teeth. I feel the beginning of a tension headache. I want this feeling to go away!
In 12-step programs they teach us about HALT triggers. HALT means "Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired." If we are experiencing any one of these feelings, we are at risk of doing something we wouldn't otherwise do. It might be drinking, drug use, eating a quart of ice cream, yelling at our significant other, or throwing something. We want to make the bad feelings go away -- either by burying them (in alcohol, drugs or ice cream) or by releasing them (yelling or throwing things). This bit of wisdom applies to ALL human beings, and not just to those of us in 12-step programs. We are all at risk of doing something we wouldn't normally do when we encounter one of the HALT triggers. (By the way, they are called "triggers" because, when you encounter them, something inevitably goes "boom!")
The first thing that helps me deal with one of these triggers is to recognize it and call it by name. In my case, it helps to actually say this to another person: "I'm really angry!" This seems to take away some of the power that the emotion has over me. It also prevents me from holding it inside and letting it churn, because over time it can turn into resentment -- an emotion that has even more risk attached to it. Some of us may have been raised to believe that it's wrong to get angry. Not so! It's a perfectly natural and valid emotion. Some of us may also be embarrassed to admit that we're lonely because it conjures up all sorts of negative connotations. But we don't have to be alone to feel lonely -- it can happen in the middle of a crowd. It just means that we feel disconnected from other people, and it can occur under all sorts of circumstances.
The second thing to do is to identify the cause of the emotion. I'm angry because I've been on hold for more than 30 minutes and there are other things I need to do that I can't do while I'm on the phone. I might be hungry because I skipped breakfast and it's almost 11am. I might be lonely because my back pain has prevented me from doing some of the things I normally do, and I've felt isolated at home. I might be tired because I slept poorly last night, or because I've been trying to accomplish too many things on my "to do" list without allowing myself any time to relax and recharge.
The third thing to do is to address the problem directly. This is actually the easiest part! I'm angry about being on hold, so I hang up the phone. (I just did.) I can try this again later -- or tomorrow. I sit quietly and take several deep breaths. If that isn't enough to calm me down, I might take a walk, or meditate, or pick up my knitting and watch TV for a while. If I'm hungry I have a snack or a meal so that my blood sugar level returns to where it should be. If I'm lonely I call a friend, or attend a meeting, or schedule something that will reconnect me with other people. If I'm tired I stop doing whatever is tiresome. I might take a nap, or do something else that relaxes me. (Back to knitting and TV for me...)
The smart thing to do is to try to avoid these triggers in the future. We can eat regular meals and have a snack if too much time has gone by. We can try to avoid placing ourselves in situations that make us angry. (I admit that I shouldn't have chosen the Monday morning "peak call volume" time to call Hewlett Packard.) We can keep in touch with family and friends (in person, not just by telephone or through social media). We can try to get enough rest, even if we have to put it on the schedule. We can't avoid them all, but some of them are under our control.
In 12-step programs they teach us about HALT triggers. HALT means "Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired." If we are experiencing any one of these feelings, we are at risk of doing something we wouldn't otherwise do. It might be drinking, drug use, eating a quart of ice cream, yelling at our significant other, or throwing something. We want to make the bad feelings go away -- either by burying them (in alcohol, drugs or ice cream) or by releasing them (yelling or throwing things). This bit of wisdom applies to ALL human beings, and not just to those of us in 12-step programs. We are all at risk of doing something we wouldn't normally do when we encounter one of the HALT triggers. (By the way, they are called "triggers" because, when you encounter them, something inevitably goes "boom!")
The first thing that helps me deal with one of these triggers is to recognize it and call it by name. In my case, it helps to actually say this to another person: "I'm really angry!" This seems to take away some of the power that the emotion has over me. It also prevents me from holding it inside and letting it churn, because over time it can turn into resentment -- an emotion that has even more risk attached to it. Some of us may have been raised to believe that it's wrong to get angry. Not so! It's a perfectly natural and valid emotion. Some of us may also be embarrassed to admit that we're lonely because it conjures up all sorts of negative connotations. But we don't have to be alone to feel lonely -- it can happen in the middle of a crowd. It just means that we feel disconnected from other people, and it can occur under all sorts of circumstances.
The second thing to do is to identify the cause of the emotion. I'm angry because I've been on hold for more than 30 minutes and there are other things I need to do that I can't do while I'm on the phone. I might be hungry because I skipped breakfast and it's almost 11am. I might be lonely because my back pain has prevented me from doing some of the things I normally do, and I've felt isolated at home. I might be tired because I slept poorly last night, or because I've been trying to accomplish too many things on my "to do" list without allowing myself any time to relax and recharge.
The smart thing to do is to try to avoid these triggers in the future. We can eat regular meals and have a snack if too much time has gone by. We can try to avoid placing ourselves in situations that make us angry. (I admit that I shouldn't have chosen the Monday morning "peak call volume" time to call Hewlett Packard.) We can keep in touch with family and friends (in person, not just by telephone or through social media). We can try to get enough rest, even if we have to put it on the schedule. We can't avoid them all, but some of them are under our control.
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