I can hardly believe that it's been nearly a year since I stopped posting to my previous blog, Graceful Worship. So much has happened since then!
On April 10, 2014, I signed myself into Father Martin's Ashley, a 30-day residential rehabilitation program in Havre de Grace, MD. For approximately six months I had been drinking heavily in denial of the inevitable signs of aging, and also to escape from the physical pain of arthritis and the emotional pain of anxiety. But no matter how hard I tried to escape, I couldn't escape from myself. I'm thankful that I recognized what I was doing to myself before I did any serious and long-lasting damage to my body, my spirit, my marriage and my friendships. I needed help, and someone I had met "in the rooms" steered me in the right direction. I will forever be in his debt.
My 30 days at Father Martin's began a journey of discovery -- about myself and about the world around me. I learned that I was afraid of getting older and had a tendency towards catastrophizing every ache and pain of unknown origin. I learned that I was a perfectionist who could never quite measure up to the standards I set for myself, but was reluctant to ask for help. I learned that I was a "human doing" more than a "human being," filling my days with more activities and commitments than I could possibly handle. I learned that I was insecure in my relationships with others -- ALL others, including those closest to me. I learned that virtually all of my pains and anxieties were caused by stress -- and that most of my stress was self-induced.
I began to slow down. At Father Martin's you have no choice. You surrender your mobile devices and learn to live without them. You read instead of watching television. You get out of bed when they tell you to; eat (healthy) meals when they tell you to; go to lectures, films and group therapy when they tell you to; and participate in other activities when they tell you to. If you don't show up for any of these things, they find you! When you have a little of that rare commodity called free time, you sit and gaze at the bay, or take a walk, or take a nap, or talk with a new friend.
You attend a 12-step meeting every day. So does everyone else. You begin to learn that you are not "terminally unique," and that other people have had, or still have, the same problems that you do. You learn that there IS a solution. And you learn that if you follow the program, you will find it. You see and listen to and interact with other people just like you who have found it. And you want what they have.
On April 10, 2014, I signed myself into Father Martin's Ashley, a 30-day residential rehabilitation program in Havre de Grace, MD. For approximately six months I had been drinking heavily in denial of the inevitable signs of aging, and also to escape from the physical pain of arthritis and the emotional pain of anxiety. But no matter how hard I tried to escape, I couldn't escape from myself. I'm thankful that I recognized what I was doing to myself before I did any serious and long-lasting damage to my body, my spirit, my marriage and my friendships. I needed help, and someone I had met "in the rooms" steered me in the right direction. I will forever be in his debt.
My 30 days at Father Martin's began a journey of discovery -- about myself and about the world around me. I learned that I was afraid of getting older and had a tendency towards catastrophizing every ache and pain of unknown origin. I learned that I was a perfectionist who could never quite measure up to the standards I set for myself, but was reluctant to ask for help. I learned that I was a "human doing" more than a "human being," filling my days with more activities and commitments than I could possibly handle. I learned that I was insecure in my relationships with others -- ALL others, including those closest to me. I learned that virtually all of my pains and anxieties were caused by stress -- and that most of my stress was self-induced.
I began to slow down. At Father Martin's you have no choice. You surrender your mobile devices and learn to live without them. You read instead of watching television. You get out of bed when they tell you to; eat (healthy) meals when they tell you to; go to lectures, films and group therapy when they tell you to; and participate in other activities when they tell you to. If you don't show up for any of these things, they find you! When you have a little of that rare commodity called free time, you sit and gaze at the bay, or take a walk, or take a nap, or talk with a new friend.
What is the program? It isn't a sect or a cult. And it isn't a secret. Stated simply, it's a set of guiding principles (understood by most as spiritual principles) outlining a course of action for tackling problems. There are 12 discrete steps that cover the following:
- admitting that you cannot control your problem(s);
- recognizing a "higher power" that can restore sanity;
- examining past errors with the help of a sponsor (an experienced member);
- making amends for these errors;
- learning to live a new life with a new code of behavior; and
- helping others who suffer from the same problem(s).
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